6 weird things about jasmne.

1. She absolutely needs to have this special pants with her when she goes to bed. There’s a pocket where her fingers just can’t stop touching. It used to be pillow cases but i guess it had evolve into pocket edges after the pillow cases got throw away/torn/decomposed/shred to pieces.

Here’s the gross part. When she was really little, she used to insist that her parents sniff her pillow case. Reason is she find that it smelled absolutely heavenly.

Funny part was, her parents actually obliged. (Although they almost died after that.)

2. She baby talks to her dog and kisses her dog at least twice a day. Heck, i think the one and only living thing that has the most number of her kisses is her dog.

She’s so obsessed with her dog she used to share paddle pop (ice cream on a stick) with her dog. How to you may ask? The dog and her will lick the ice cream together. One on each side.

But that is until her dog’s breathe start getting too stinky.

3. She is kinda sadistic. She will scream and shout for no reason. More often, she will sneak up on her parents or dog and shout real loud just to see them jump.

It gives her the utmost satisfaction and you’ll see her grinning from ear to ear the rest of the day.

Of course, she would do it again if she had the chance. You just have to watch your back.

4.She is able to bark exactly like her dog. She sound so alike that most often than not, her dog was scolded for nothing.

Nowadays, she is almost able to hold a barking conversation with her dog. It’s interesting to see how her dog actually responses when she ‘barks’.

If you’re going to drop a comment about this, forget it. She will not be amused.

5. She talks to herself if life gets too tough and she felt like there’s no one to talk to. Sometimes she gets so engross that she would forget there’s people nearby.

In the end, she is just being stared at.

6. She and her cousin shares a weird telepathy. They would often say the same thing at the same time or they’ll know what the other is thinking about without saying anything.

There’s once they went to Malaysia with Jasmne’s family for some seafood. And a freaky thing happened.

Waitress: Table for how many miss?
Cousin: 5 pls.
Jasmne nodded and approached a table meant for 5.

Her parents joined them at the table and the waitress bough 4 cups.

Jasmne: Daddy, why only 4 cups ah?
Dad: Only got mummy, me, u and mei qin. Four what. Than how many u want?

Jasmne & Cousin : *Gasp*

Somehow both of they felt that there was been five of them all along.

Freaky telepathy eh?

 

Traitor.

It was an ordinary day and i was blog hopping when i came across ms ZHANG HUI SIAN XIAN blog.

 

This is what i saw.

 

…Wah piangs. my name there still nevermind.

NABEH. STILL MUST 连名带姓 WANT IS IT?!

TRAITOR!

P.S HEHEHEHEHE. MS HX, YOU JUST GOT BASTARD!

 

Owww, now that’s gona hurt.

You should always watch where you’re going no matter where you are. Especially the guys. Seriously, you should. You never know what you will bump into or who you will bump into. And sometimes, what you bump into can be really really painful.

Have you ever seen a travellator? Well, if you haven, this is how it looks like.

I was on my way home the other day and i must say i was extremely amused.

A guy was infront of me reading a magazine. He was so engross in his magazine that he walked straight into the handrail of the travellator instead.

Have you any idea how hard the handrail is? More importantly, do you know where the extremely hard handrail hit?

Here’s a clue:

The poor xiao ji ji

It came into contact with something of his that will most probably hurt the most.  

A group of guys behind us went “OOwwwww” as if they could almost feel the pain themselves while the rest of us went:

Oh! And the look on his face. CLASSIC. 

I guess i was kind enough to hold down my laughter (which is extremely hard indeed) until he was out of sight before laughing like mad. LMAO!!

I’m a bandaged chicken!

One thing’s for sure, i bet that guy won’t be taking his eyes off where he’s going for a very long time. Like i said, you’ll never know what you will bump into and how much it migh hurt. LOL.

P.S I went out with my TAN ZHI JUAN the other day! Been soooooo long my dear! *hugs* I missed you dear. (:

 

April’s Fool

 On Msn:

Annoying Friend: EHHH! Your computer kana virus ah?
ME: Ah? No la.
Annoying Friend: How come keep sending me nude sites wan?
ME: HUH?! SERIOUS AH?!
Annoying Friend: Yah la! Than got nude pictures somemore. But no need scare la, not your nude pictures.
ME: HUH?!?!?! OMFG!! Than how like that?!
Annoying Friend: Than your blog also kana i think. All the words like weird leh than got nude pictures there also..
ME: MY BLOG?!

*open browser and quickly view blog*

ME: No leh, it looks normal to me leh.
Annoying Friend: Don’t know la. Like not right like that.
ME: *almost die of heart attack*
Annoying Friend: APRIL FOOL!! WHOO!!
ME:……………. KNS LA YOU! WAH PIANGS!! DON’T EVER DO THAT TO ME SIA!
ME: I GOT A WEAK HEART CAN!
ME: IDIOT YOU,  I CURSE YOU LA!
ME: MAY YOU HAVE A SMALL PENIS AND NEVER EVER SATISFIED ANY WOMAN!
Annoying Friend: … sibeh cruel.

 

Annoying remix

Blogs with music annoys the shit out of me.

It really sucks getting scared the daylight out of you when you’re randomly visiting blogs and techno blast through your speaker out of nowhere. It’s even more irritating when you’re enjoying some music when it miraculously transforms into a remix. Sorry but Beyonce’s irreplaceable and Jay chou’s Dad, i’m back don’t particularly sound nice together.

Of course, if it’s in the HTML of the blog’s template, that’s still tolerable cause you can always click on the stop button in your internet toolbar and the music stops. (If you didn’t know this, wa la! Now you know. Congrats.)

But it those with players are the ones that really gets on my nerve. You practically have to search the whole freaking blog before you can switch it off. And trust me, by the time you find that annoying player, the song had long ended and on it’s replay. Of course, that is if you had stayed long enough to search for the player rather than just aiming for the red X to freedom.

Sometimes though, it seems the blogger deliberatly wants to piss you off. After combing the freaking blog, you stopped the player and thought to yourself, “YES! NO MORE HORRIBLE MUSIC!” and just as you were to dance your victory dance, you hear “..Mai go an ni pa wo ma ma.” (lyrics from Jay chou’s Dad, i’m back.)

NABEH!

This idiot put like one player per post or something! And the music you just heard is not a remix of beyonce and jay chou. It’s an orchestra of jay chou, beyonce, shakira, shaggy and coco lee.

Little wonders why this button seem extremely attractive at times like that. 

 

Phone calls and mummy chat.

I found out that i had this post saved for some time now. Okay, so here goes. Recently i’m stress out of my head for the dinner and dance coming up for our company. So off iw ent calling up suppliers in regards for sponsorship of the gifts.

So expected, they arn’t exactly what I’ll call nice.

*those in bold is spoken by me.

“Hi good morning!”
“Urm.”
“May i speak to Mr Toh pls?”
“Arr-station”
“.. sorry?”
“Arrr station”
“Erm.. out station?” What the hell is that?
“Yah.”
“Erm, you mean he’s not around?”
“Yah.”
“Oh okay. Thanks by-..
*hang up*

And.. i got hanged up. ):

“Hi good morning!”
“Yah?”
“I’m calling from Bintan Resort Ferries, was wondering if you receive any fax regarding our sponsorship of prizes for Dnd?”
“Uh? No, we didn’t receive anything.”
“Oh, cause i send the fax over some time ago. Should i fax it over again?”
“What number did you fax to?”
“6XXX XXX”
“No, it’s completely wrong.”
“Oh really? Than what’s your fax number?” Ohgosh, so embrassing! Super supervisor gimme so many wrong information. GGRRR.
“What company are you looking for?”
“XXX company?”
“You got it wrong.”
“Ohh, so what company are you?”
“Who are you looking for?”
“No i mean, you said i got the wrong fax right? So what company is this?”
“It doesn’t matter. Who are you looking for?”
“… er.. oo..okay. Thanks.” Bitch.
*hang up*

I wonder how much mean-er can they get?

*ring ring ring*
*more ring ring ring*
“Auto machine: The number you just called.”
*5 seconds*
“Is currently unavailable!” <- very cheery voice!
“…”

-.-” What a happy machine i must say.

“Ring ring ring”
“Blossom paper product pte ltd”
*pause for 5 second*
“Hi, i’m calli-”
“Hi, i’m currently not at my desk, blahh”
“…” Oh, it’s a recorded voice.

I have no idea whether to be amuse or to puke blood.

Anyway, i was on my mum’s bed dying to pee but was unable to cause my mum’s in the toilet taking her own sweet time so i threaten to pee in her bed.

“Mummy, i need to pee. Urgently.“
“Come and pee la.”
“You think the toilet very big is it?”
“Than you wait awhile lor.”
“Cannot! I want to pee already. Okay, i’m going to pee in your bed.”
“Hm.” *ignores me*
“Mummy..”
“What?”
“What will you do if i really pee in your bed ah?”
“Go to your room lor”
“Huh? For what?”
“Pee on your bed lar!”
“….”

 

I go! I go!

I was on my way home when i saw this.

Tell me, what’s wrong with this picture?

 .

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

 No idea?

 Don’t you think that the girl looks like a caveman holding their legendary club?!

 WOAH. Instead of inviting guest, they have used a new and innovative way!
If we invite and they don’t come, FORCE THEM TO COME!

 

O.O!!!
You tell me! If it’s you, you DARE TO DON’T GO MEH?

 She want to me to crawl in there i also crawl can!

 

Earthquarke!

OMFG!

It’s so cool! There’s an earthquarke somewhere and over at my office, we can all feel it! Only for me, it felt like my chair is moving. -.-”

Hey, my chair is moving.
Must be huixian trying to disturb me. *turn around*
No one leh. *move chair away from table and look at my legs and chair*
Weird, i’m not moving but my chair seems to be moving.
Shyt la! Must be got ghost!
No, calm down. Must be my head dizzy from the MP3.
*take out MP3*

*sound from colleages*
“Ahhh!! So scary! i’m moving!!*
“Yahhh!!”
“I’m going downstairs man!!”

OOOOkay, so i’m not the only one feeling it.
This ghost is fully haunting our office!!

“Must be got earthquarke!”

Ohhh, earthquarke. Why didnt i think of that. -.-” *heads downstair*

Still, it was cool! And the things people say during breaks are simply hilarious.

…. Oh Earthquarke ah! No wonder soo many leaves fell from the trees.

Like major DIAO!

“Ohhh this is earthequarke ah?!”

“If not than you think what? Seasick ah?!”

HAHAHAHA. Even saw a news reporter interviewing some people. Damn, these people are fast man! Within half an hour come already.

So many shops were closed and you should see the crowd from concourse! Whoa.

(: (: (: Damn i love it. And shyt, i’m sick for loving it.

We were laughing like mad at all the fuss people are making over the tremour. We must be happiest people around. People must really think that the tremour had really scared the crap out of us and gotten to our brains. -.-”

Updated:

OMGOMFG!!!

There’s a second tremour! And this time it’s stronger!

It’s getting scarier but fun-er. But this time my supervisor got leg cramps and so the whole office waited for her. Look at my team spirit! My life is on the line can!

I better get an A for my IPP!

Hehehehehehehe, i’m grining like mad and my mum is freaking out like mad. (:

 

Talking to his Younger Brother.

Talking to his younger brother can be entertaining. (:

ME: Hii! You there?

Image 1:

Image 2:

Image 3:

Image 4:

Image 5:

P.S
I’m damn talented. 明明 remember is 2nd march and i even go her blog to check than in the end can put alarm on 3rd march.

Well done. So clever. 

 

Msn entertainment.

I’ve come to realise that the occassional (thank god!) weirdos who add me on msn can be really entertaining especially when you got nothing to do. So what i do when i’m bored and there’s a entertainer, i play along. (:

I mean i know he’s a weirdo. Heck, Just look at his display pic! I’m a buddist and all la, but who the heck will actually put that?!

image 1:

image 2:

image 3:

image 4:

image 5:

image 6:

image 7:

image 8:

 

 

 

 

Bintan Resort Ferries Pte Ltd

I thought trying to jam all info into my uninterested brain is bad enough, but no. The news came and you know where i got into?

Bintan Resort Ferries Pte Ltd

Bintan?! For heaven’s sake, i don’t even know where the heck is it can!

And just as i thought things couldn’t get any worse..

ME: Daddy, where’s bintan resort ferries?
Daddy: What ferries?
Me: Bintan resort ferries.
Daddy: Ohh, it’s in Indonesia.
ME:

I swear to god, i nearly die of a heart attack.

 

Shitty Worms

“Wahh daddy, those girls so good ah. Eat alot than cannot get fat. Still dare to say zhi bu fei (can’t get fat no matter how you eat).”

“That one call kum zhei.”

“What’s kum zhei?”

“Means inside their body got worm lor. Normal people eat already the good things from the food they eat, their body will keep. But got kum zhei wan the food they eat, the worm inside eat lor.”

“Than won’t get fat ah?”

“Won’t lor.”

“Hmmm, like that i don’t mind got worms leh. like that i won’t be fat.”

“You think very good ah? You know ah, daddy last time also got you know. You go see my photo, last time very thin, xiao xiao zi wan you know.”

Now, that’s something very hard to imagine.

You see, this is how my dad looks like.

Now, just look at his pregnant tummy. How to imagine him thin?!

“Than your tummy also got worm ah?”

“Yahh, i was shitting ma. than when i wipe my butt i was thinking how come i keep wiping but the shit like won’t stop wan. So in the end, i pull out a really long worm.”

!!!!!!!

“EEEEEEYER! From your asshole ar?”

“Yah la! Scare me, i thought why my backside inside got worm wan.”

“EEEEEEE. Is it alive? Or dead?”

“A real live worm!”

“Groooosssss! Than since than you start getting fatter ah?”

“Yah. You still wan worms in your tummmy?”

“….”

 

FOR ONCE, I DON’T MIND BEING FAT. -.-”

 

 

How to annoy others on a bus.

Since I’m one of the unfortunates that have to take a bus to school everyday unless my father generously offers to give me a lift, I’ve certainly picked up certain behaviors that i find rather annoying amusing.

And so, Here’s a few tips for all of you.
Note: All this tips will work extremely well in a packed bus!

#1 Squeeze your way through rugby style!

Be seated at the bustop and eye the bus you want to board. When it arrives, let your fellow victims queue themselves in front of the entrance of the bus. This is crucial if you want to maximize annoyance. Just when the entrance door opens, push your way through (ruby style!) to the front. Elbow jab, arms fats pushing, hip pushing, whatever you can just do it! Sneer at their accusing looks but “Tsk!” loudly if anyone dares pushes you back.

Annoyance level: **

#2 Camp at the front of the bus!

The perfect place for this tip is the space between the 2nd double seat of the bus and the 2nd double seat behind the bus driver. Stand there while your little victims pack themselves like tuna in the front of the bus! However, do note that there might be victims whom will try to squeeze pass you. Fret not! Instead, give them the glare while you “TSK!!” loudly when they knock into you. Ignore glares and comments that asks you to move in, instead, take out your latest ipod nano and stick the earphones into your ear. Blast the music and enjoy the killers glares.

Annoyance level: ****

#3. Flick your hair!

If you have long hair, all the better! Tie it up in a high ponytail and stand as close to anyone as you can. If possible, find victims that are wearing sleeveless. Annoyance level will definitely increase. Victims with long sleeves will not be able to feel the full impact of your dry, brittle and prickings of your damage hair! When your position is secured, turn your head right and left! Ignore your victims blatant stare, instead, flick even more! Show off your long and hairy weapon!

Annonyance level: ***

#4. Take up double seats!

If you’re able to find empty double seats, take them! In fact, take both of them! One for you, one for your bag! See? Just nice. Promptly pretend to fall asleep if you’re feeling a little less courageous. What? Your bag deserves the right to have a seat just like any one of your staring victims. Don’t worry, there’s nothing wrong at all!

Annoyance level: **

#5 Pillow Bag fight!

Always carry a big and bulky bag when you board a pack bus. Firstly, let it swing freely while you’re pushing your way through the bus. Just let it hit and bang every victim that happened to be seated beside you. This is exceptionally effective if the contents of your bag is heavy and have pointed corners. Secondly, when you secure a position, look out for a nearest victim that is right beside you. Now you have two choices. One is to let the corners of your bag occasionally jab into your victim’s sides or Two, let your bag push your little victim aside so that you have more space. Pretend to be enjoying the view around when evil glares is subjected to your direction.

Annoyance level: ***

#6 Let’s play some music!

Have that favorite song that you just can’t stop listening to? Even hearing it 45 times in an hour is okay with you? Great! With your sophisticated taste, everyone must love it too! Therefore, play it on your handphone (No ear phone needed!) and repeat it for the entire journey. Before you know, the whole bus of victims will have memorized the entire lyrics of the song! Isn’t it perfect? If you’re feeling timid, put on earphones than. But remember to blast it so loud that the victims around are able to hear the song loud and clear.

Annoyance level: **

#7. Squeeze your way to the door 5 mins before the bus reaches your stop!

This might get a little tricky. Make sure you choose the perfect timing when everyone is packed at the alighting exit of the bus. If such opportunity arises, grab it! 5 to 10 minutes before your stop, make your way to the exit. Make sure you push your way through! Do not hesitate and allow your fellow victims to steady themselves while they free their hand to let you pass. When you have successfully done so, stand in front of the exit to let them sulk behind your back. So what if they lost their balance? Your stop is reaching you know! Anyway, Come on, don’t tell me they can’t even balance themselves in a moving bus with someone practically breathing down their necks? It can’t be that difficult, I’m sure they can squeeze a little for you. No problem!

Annoyance level: ***

================================================================

So far, that’s about all. So what’s your favourite tactic of torturing victims on the bus? Share!

If you have no experience at all, what’s are you doing? Start annoying others today!

 

Gameboy; my turn!

There’s 16 scenes altogether. If you see less than that, refresh or wait.

 

 

 

This has been added to my DeviantART.

 

My twin sister

 

Hey everyone, have you met my twin sister?